Turning 30 – Letterboard Musings #1

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I will be 30 in September. A few months ago, the thought of turning 30 worried me. 30 is old. 30 is being a real adult and I did not feel ready for that yet. But recently, I have had a change of heart. I took a long look at my life so far and I have made some discoveries. 4 years ago, I couldn’t leave the house by myself. 2 years ago, I couldn’t make phone calls or use drive thru restaurants. Anxiety is no joke.

I’ve struggled with personal style ever since becoming a mother, 6 years ago. Part of me clung to my youth, unwilling to let go of the little goth girl that I was in high school. Part of me attempted to define what a real “grown up” looked like. I believe now that 30 really is, or can be, a magical number, depending on how you look at it. I’ve wanted to feel like I have my stuff together for a long time. But I was stuck in a sea of inexperience, anxiety, and confusion, like many young adults go through. For 20 years, I have used the number 30 as a symbol of real adulthood. It was just the age that made sense to me to really know what you’re doing with your life. I feared for the last few years that I would not be there on time.

But looking at it now, I feel confident. I am able to do so much that I struggled with in the past. I have a more defined sense of self, style, and way of living. In the last month, I have dedicated time to slow down and discover a natural rhythm to our life. When I stop to think that each day is not guaranteed to us, I want to put on the breaks and take a look around. Life is not a race. It’s more of a road trip. I want to make frequent stops to take in the scenery.

I intend to use this blog to update family on what is going on with our lives. Having come out of the fog and into a more clearly defined self, I will spend more time creating a life worth talking about.Wisdom does come with age. I know that I won’t know it all by the time September comes around, but I am more confident in hitting that symbolic number.

Love to all,

Lani

 

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